two much?

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In the spirit of debate season, we want to get your opinions on one of our most common party-planning questions: Should there be a baby shower for the arrival of a second baby?

Not being a mom myself, I hadn't realized what a hotly debated topic this was. It seems that everyone has their own (adamant) views about whether a second shower is a welcome celebration or just downright tacky. The main sticking point is that people don't want to be expected to buy expensive gifts (thinking that the parents should have everything they need from their first shower), not that they don't want to celebrate the second baby.

I went to Emily Post, the classic etiquette source, to get a traditional take on this dilemma. She says that it's perfectly fine to throw someone a baby shower for the second baby, as long as "the guest list is comprised of guests who did not attend a shower for the first baby, with the exception of close friends and family members who would be upset not to be there."

More and more people are throwing a smaller celebration (some call it a "baby sprinkle," which is appropriately adorable) that's more about friends and family spending time with the expectant mom than showering her with gifts. Another option is throwing the parents a sip and see after the baby is born where everyone can meet the little one.

Many people do agree that there are extenuating circumstances, such as a several-year gap between children, in which a second shower would be more acceptable. What do you think about a shower for baby number two?

Comments

I don't think that it is appropriate to have a shower for a second, third, fourth, etc baby. I just received an invite for a mom's 4th baby and I couldn't believe it. The purpose for having one for baby 1 is understandable. But by the time the next babies come, they should be settled and have more money for the things that they need.

I think it is perfectly acceptable to through a baby shower. A shower is a celebration. In the past, I have hosted showers for 2nd & 3rd babies - and its usually been a diaper and wipies party - nothing big. In addition, if the mommy is expecting a child of a different sex - then there is clothes and other items that will be needed. Like any party, you have the right to decline. :)

I think that every child should be celebrated! I was in that position not to long ago...
I had a 4 year old boy and was pregnant with my daughter. I had nothing left for a baby except for a crib - let alone stuff for a girl. My sister wanted to through me a shower and my husband's family was so insulted since I was having a 2nd baby shower! I don't understand what the big deal is!

omg, baby sprinkle! that's awesome! i wouldn't mind attending one of those and bringing a smaller "hostess gift", which would end up being a baby themed gift anyway. lol...

I'm not that big on showers. I don't like being the center of attention, and equipment was never a big deal; two of my four children slept for a time in a drawer and in a laundry basket.

I guess one shower per mom/dad is enough.

We just want more than one grandchild. If one comes along, we'll get all the equipment! (I may regret writing that)

I've just been invited to the shower for a 3rd baby in 4 years for my husband's niece. She couldn't afford the first baby, let alone this third one. I'll take diapers and wipes, but I'd really like to give her a certificate for a tubal ligation.

As a mom of three and grandma of three, I do think it's appropriate to have a shower. It isn't just gift giving, it's the celebration of a new child being welcomed. If there's a few years between the children, there's a good chance the mom has given away most things from the last baby. The clothes may be stained as well.

COME ON.....

Who doesn't love an excuse to party!

celebration....yes indead, shower....no, unless its a diff. sex or long time since 1st child.

I was invited to what I thought was an ideal compromise: Everyone was asked to bring a "meal for the freezer" instead of a gift. This way the second, no less deserving child was celebrated, we all got to gather, eat & drink and the soon to be exhausted parents had about 2 weeks worth of dinners ready to pop into the oven. Everyone wins! (personally, I ALWAYS bring a little gift for the big brother or sister.)

What is Emily Post smoking? It's okay to have a second shower as long as you don't invite anyone else from the first, other than close friends and family members?

I just don't see how that's possible unless you have relocated to another state in between babies.

Call me a curmudgeon, but I say showers should be a one-time-shot per family.

When/if we have a second child, I don't plan on registering for gifts, since I would have most everything I need already, but I would like to have a party and celebrate the fact I'm having a child.
My best friend is pregnant with her second and I offered to throw her a "sprinkle". She can always use diapers, wipes or new clothes, especially if the baby is a different sex. The guests can decide for themselves whether or not to bring a gift.

Just do what brings the mother and you more joy. If the mom-to-be could use some "SUPPORT" ie attention and lovin' on then go for it. Anyone invited has the freewill to decline (for what ever belief or reason they may have) or attend and choose to celebrate the birth of a child. Gifts can be creative if not monetary. A coupon to deliver dinner or care for newborn while mom naps. Just remember, that baby will grow up and look at the scrapbook pictures. Any second thoughts?

Heck, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, I don't want to go to the 1st!! I prefer living with my boyfriend and not reproducting. I've been to my friends Bridal Shower, Bachelorette Party, bought your ugly dress for your wedding, went to your first baby shower, and now you want ANOTHER gift?!?! One word...NO!!! Anyone want to buy me something for once?

Come on. It really isn't a celebration of a baby...it is a showering of baby gifts. No, I don't think it is appropriate for the second pregnancy. People who want to give a gift after the baby is born will do so.

I don't see the big deal...like someone stated earlier, if you disagree, don't go. If women can have bridal showers more than once, why can't babies get showered...I really did think it was about showering the NEW baby with gifts, not the family. And what about the first born if it is a second child? My kids are several years apart, from a second relationship and are different sexes. When my friends hosted a shower it wasn't for me at all, it was for my son and my new daughter. There were kids there for my son as well as my friends.
If your loved ones want to shower you or your baby, then let them...you can never be loved enough as far as I can tell. :)

wow, never even knew of this dilemma before....didn't know you could even consider a celebration of a new life to be optional. but do agree that it could be done after the baby was born so that the honored member could at least have the honor. (plus mom could raise a glass too, right? ) but also love the idea of the freezer meals so i think as long as it's all about L-O-V-E and not the shopping spree then it's all good.

As a mom who just gave birth to her 2nd daughter after a much needed space of 6 yrs, a shower was greatly appreciated. I had the great pleasure of stocking many of my friends & family with their daughters first items from my daughters collection so by the time the second one came rolling the four winds had scattered it all over the state. I was greatly appreciative of the wonderful gifts that I got at the second shower and everything was much needed. It wasn't about being able to afford my littlest but about knowing that she was just as welcomed as the first one. You shouldn't conclude that someone can or can not afford their baby, that is truely insulting. You should give from your heart or not at all. You'll still eat just as much at both showers won't you! LOL

I wondered why baby showers/sprinkles were only for the first child. I have always thought that each child should be celebrated. There's always a need for small items. I can't believe that anyone would make an issue about celebrating a child.

Would not the second baby shower depend on the person that is hosting the shower? What is tacky is the mother to be hosting her own shower that is usually done by family and or friends. Then there are also showers for men to date what one would consider a "celebration"!

Lisa Hall

Wow. Some of these comments are shocking and just rude. Of course, those of you who haven't had any children or had a second child yet just don't know much about it. I have two boys 14 months apart. So, I had still had everything from my first when the second came along. I agree that every child should be celebrated. The biggest blessing of all would be a diaper party! Diapers are always needed. I also hate that my second child might look at his scrapbook and baby book and wonder why he didn't have a party. Like several posters said, it is your choice to go or not.

Of course not! A shower is held to help the new mom with essentials for a new baby. How many high chairs, strollers, playpens, baby carriers, etc does one person need? The subsequent babies certainly do deserve to be celebrated and gifted...after the birth, with a gift and maybe a party. But not a whole big shower for each pregnancy!

This idea of showers for each child is something quite new. When I was having my babies in the 70's (and I understand before that) mothers were showered with gifts to celebrate becoming mothers, one time, and then each child was given a personal gift as the child was born. The idea of more than one shower is selfish and a waste of time and money for the
guests.

First of all, the parents are not throwing the shower. Their friends are. Assuming that no one is banging down doors asking anyone in earshot for a party, what's the harm?
I must admit that I was a bit concerned when my office decided to throw me a shower for my second child. I didn't want this argument to be happening about me. I didn't think I needed anything. However, I was also surprised at how glad I was to have a blanket made especially for my second, a few special toys for her, and the support of my friends. No one bought me a high chair, crib, or play yard. Why would they? I had them. But they did bring diapers, wipes, and special things just for Chloe. Those things meant the world to me.

It is totally tacky - to question whether a 2nd, 3rd, or ... child should be welcomed into the world.

It is not about the "gifts" - although they are great - it is about the "gift" of a new being. A shower is a celebration of this baby. Each child deserves recognition. And if Mom gets to be pampered a bit, all the better.

Keep in mind that some families are less financially stable if Mom is stay-at-home or Dad got laid off recently. A shower might be just the help such a family needs in tight times.

There is no requirement to attend a shower; there is no assigned level of giving. If you are strapped for funds, be creative - a mini-basket of binkies, a bouquet of socks, a coupon book to sit "junior", a soon-to-be classic children's book can all be had for $20 or so. And you might even get a kick out of how clever you are.

I don't think you need to have a 2nd baby shower per se, however I do think a bit of recognition for the second is entirely feasible. If the person really can't afford this child, but is having one anyhow, then I believe gifts should be given . Other than that I think a luncheon in her honor would be appropriate.

There is something called a "blessing way". This is a celebration of the baby, but the focus is on the Mother. Its a circle of family and friends that support her birth experience, and her motherhood. Participants bring symbolic gifts, and contribute to the celebration. This becomes so much more meaningful than a plethora of gifts-- which does become tacky. Then, people can give useful things to the family when the baby is born, if they like.
L.

I think that a baby shower for the 2nd baby is totally appropriate IF the 2nd baby is more than 4 years from the 1st child OR is of another sex. Receiving baby gifts in pink instead of blue is an entirely different experience for the mom. But after two showers, enough is enough. Mom should save the baby items if she's not on birth control.

A baby shower is a special way to celebrate a new baby, whether it is the 1st or 6th baby. Guests don't have to bring expensive things- it is just a way to show that you are excited for the expectant parents and to honor the new baby.

I felt very uncomfortable having a 2nd Baby shower after my first one and I did not even know why until now because of this topic. I did not know this topic was an issue. I was very grateful for the 1st, but felt that the 2nd baby shower was done on my behalf because they felt obligated to do it. My babies are precious to me and I just wanted them to enjoy each birth with me without having any issues. My husband and I, at the time, were capable of providing everything needed for both of our children. If you do not want to participant, don't. If I ever feel somone is giving because they feel obligated to do it, I will not accept it. Then, everyone will be happy without any hurt feelings on both side. I hope.

This is a no brainer. As I read in one of the comments "Every child should be celebrated" I'll second that!!! And as a momma of 3, grandma of 2 I'd like to add that the new momma could really use a little pick me up party. If mom already has enough essentials why not give something just for her? Mani/Pedi, a massage or some cute little PJ's for after the baby is born. If you don't have the money for a gift I'm sure she could use a couple of hours of house cleaning--Remember how fun it was cleaning behind the toilet when you were 8 months pregnant?

I am going to help host a baby sprinkle for my friend who has a daughter and is now expecting a little boy. She tactfully did not actually register for anything, and asked that we tell the invited guests that they are not expected to bring a gift. (Although knowing us, we will probably all bring one!) We want our friend to know that we love her company, value her friendship, and honor her strength. We want her to know that her children are special to us too, and that we want to help out in any way we can. Having a party is not tacky. It is fun! :)

A shower for 2nd and following is only acceptable if it is a diaper and wipes shower or for extenuating circumstances. This allows people who want to buy gifts to give them when the baby is born, but does not make anyone feel forced to buy something or bad because they haven't.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to throw a second baby shower. Circumstances change, products change, life changes, isn't that a part of parenthood? So go celebrate, who doesn't LOVE to purchase a baby gift? If you don't think it's appropriate don't go, but don't comment on it, let your friend celebrate their new blessing.

I am a mom for the fourth time. Who says a baby shower has to have expensive gifts. You could throw a frozen dinner party, or a have people sgop at consignment stores for you.Plus each baby usually is born in a diffent season so the sizes are different.Anyways if you have a friend who you care about, why not bless them with something.If you love someone,there should be no limit of how much time, children or blessings you pour out to the ones you love. I have ideas for those who are on a budget, we all are. It doesn't get any easier with one verses four. Have some empathy. I think in life we should treat others as we would want to be treated. All babies are special and a miracle,wether it is one or more. Why not celebrate each life,life is too short not to.

I think that everyone who said those awful things about second showers being tacky and greedy were very rude. I think that if you are lucky enough to have family or friends who want to give you a shower then they should do it. I was a second child. I have pictures from my baby shower and I love looking back at my family and my moms friends having fun and celebrating my birth as well. I had a brother who was only 15 months older than I and my mom only had boy stuff. I know how grateful she was for everyone who attended no matter what, if anything, they brought with them. She still looks at those pictures and laughs about the crazy hair, weird outfits and jokes that were shared. Why miss out on something great when you don't have too? As so many people have said before....If you don't want to attend then don't but don't ruin it for everyone else!

I love baby showers and have never met anyone who didn't throw their friends and family a shower for each expected child. I would give a needed gift to the parents-to-be anyway and it's always such a fun gathering. It's good for older siblings too. They can interact and get excited about being the older and wiser.

If you don't want to go, you don't have to. Just send a card after the baby arrives if you are too cheap to give a token welcome gift. I can't imagine being upset about the invitation.

There is nothing wrong with clebrating life, 1st, 2nd or 3rd, etc...lots of us have very different schedules so whatever name you give to the celebration of a new life is ok and a chance to get together with friends and family that we may not see regularly.

How about this - you live outside the country, have your first child (boy)and a shower, move outside the country and 12 years later have baby no 2 (girl) - no shower as you cannot bring her over until 9 months of age (time off from work, how long it takes to get passport etc). Baby 3 (girl)comes 16 years after the first, thankfully have maternity leave so can take baby back to US at 6 weeks. Is it appropriate to have a party for this baby? Especially as you do not know when you might be able to brings the kids over again (costly)?

A baby shower is for the first child. After that, there can be a celebration after the baby is born. If a person wants to give a gift, they can. I remember a friend saying any shower after the first is like begging.

Our family always had a shower for every baby. As kids, the pictures and copies of invitations etc. were some of the things in the baby books that we loved to pore through. The first Shower was always bigger and involved the necessary baby items but the subsequent showers were usually smaller, handmade gifts or involved diapers etc. and they were held after the baby was born. I'm in my 40's now, when "my" shower was being held there was no way to know whether I'd be a boy or girl. The shower was held after the baby was born so you'd know whether to make a pink or blue afghan. It also served as a way to introduce the little one to the family. We have pictures of my brother being held by a great aunt who passed away shortly after his shower. At the time of his birth, travelling for her and, for a newborn was a complicated matter. Shewould probably never have seen him any other way.

People may RSVP regrets to a shower invitation for a 2nd, 3rd, 4th child etc. and not give a gift. This puts them in the catagory of "not close friends and family members who would be upset not to be there" or just a plain old Scrooge. :-)

I agree with many of these comments and disagree with those that think it is rude, did they stop to think how expensive baby things are? My daughter is 7 and I am expecting baby #2, I got rid of her baby stuff when she was about 5, which is when many of my friends did as well. After 5 years the clothes, bottles, cribs, playpens and other baby items are not only obsolete, but they are dangerous from non use. Many people realize that even furniture has an expiration date, they have no problem throwing away broken stuff bu what about old? Who really figures that after 5 years or more another one is coming? My biggest dilemna was that my sisters kids are also 7 years apart, but my mom talked me out of throwing a shower for her, when I knew she had nothing, so I gave her a bunch of baby stuff for christmas(3 wks before her 2nd was born), and she would be extremely upset if she found out my best friend threw me a shower.

I certainly do not see a problem with it if they are far apart, due to changes in quality and laws about many of the baby products.

I think it's perfectly ok to have a baby shower for each baby. Every child is unique and you should have a shower to celebrate a brand new life. Plus like others have stated if you don't want to come then don't. However, I think that's a dumb reason not to because I'm sure you will come to 1,2,3,4,5, etc.. b-day parties. Saying having a baby shower more than once is dumb because that's like saying one birthday party is enough.

A baby shower is given in honor of the pround parents first expected child(ren)in hope to obtain big items such as a crib, high-chair, etc...and/or items new parents don't know nothing about but need. Most people that attend a baby shower brings a gift and once they find out the baby was born they want to visit the new proud parents and baby...they usualy bring another gift such as an outfit or small token to celebrate the new born bundle of joy into this world. Friends and family will celebrate each baby #2, 3, by a giving a small gift for each unique individual; but not another shower. If a couple decides to have baby 2, 3, etc...they should be prepared to purchase those new big items and should know what items they really need. If they can't afford these items they can ask friends to borrow items or purchase items from a second hand store.

I have to say I think it is tacky to have several showers. As a best friend of someone who won't stop having children, and relishes the idea of getting free stuff (even though she is perfectly capable of affording it herself)it actually upsets me. It also upsets me that I, as the best friend am expected to throw these showers each time! I'm all for throwing a shower for a new mother or a mother that maybe doesn't have alot of monetary resources, but come on!

Most importantly, if you can't afford a second or third child; DONT HAVE ANY MORE! Birth control is cheap or even free!

When I was expecting my third baby friends threw a shower for me, but it was for ME, not the baby. I was showered with gifts that are meant to pamper a busy mom of soon-to-be three. I got lovely lotions and bath soaps, foot scrubs and a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure. At least my hands and feet looked great going in for delivery! It was very encouraging and fun and a great excuse for a gathering of ladies. No expectations, no disappointments. (We thrived on hand-me-downs after the first baby shower.)

How about.....baby shower is for first baby.....period. its to help the mom welcome and prepare for the "unknown". after that, you know....oh believe me, you know, what it is all about to have a baby. So the party is really for the mom because baby not there yet. That same baby will have gifts given to them at birth....just like any subsequent baby after that.

I think there's nothing wrong with being thrown multiple showers - what would be tacky would be registering for subsequent showers! My experience has always been that showers for second and third (or more) babies - is usually a theme: diapers and wipes, baby food, casseroles, etc. Very practical gifts to help the young family spend more time enjoying the new baby. If you register for a fancy crib, decorations and a rocking chair, you're pushing it. I'll probably still only bring diapers. :-)

I see nothing wrong with friends, family, or church family giving a shower for a 2nd, or later, child. After having 3 sons in a row, I was pleasantly surprised, and quite thankful, when my church's Relief Society sisters gave me a wonderful shower for my first little girl. Let me tell you, she was a well-dressed little girl with all her little, frilly dresses with matching bloomers, bonnets, and little shoes and socks. Most precious of all was a pink quilt that was hand-tied by one of the sisters.

I have been shocked by some of the bitterness and ugliness of some of the comments here. If you don't like baby showers, then stay home! Your attitude would just ruin everything for everyone else, anyway.

I do agree with the idea of giving gifts to the mother-to-be, too. For my daughter's baby shower, I gave her a little gift basket with a selection of herb teas, bath lotions, a good paperback novel, and lolly pops to suck on during her labor. I like that idea of each guest bringing a frozen casserole or TV dinner. Every mother of a newborn, whether the first or the sixth, needs rest and pampering.

I faced this topic when friends of mine insisted on throwing me a shower for my 2nd child. While the gender of my second was different from the first I still felt hesitant on having a shower. But felt that compromising for the "baby sprinkle" was a good idea. I had only immediate family and the closest of friends attend. These are people I knew would be getting me gifts, shower or no shower.