two much?

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In the spirit of debate season, we want to get your opinions on one of our most common party-planning questions: Should there be a baby shower for the arrival of a second baby?

Not being a mom myself, I hadn't realized what a hotly debated topic this was. It seems that everyone has their own (adamant) views about whether a second shower is a welcome celebration or just downright tacky. The main sticking point is that people don't want to be expected to buy expensive gifts (thinking that the parents should have everything they need from their first shower), not that they don't want to celebrate the second baby.

I went to Emily Post, the classic etiquette source, to get a traditional take on this dilemma. She says that it's perfectly fine to throw someone a baby shower for the second baby, as long as "the guest list is comprised of guests who did not attend a shower for the first baby, with the exception of close friends and family members who would be upset not to be there."

More and more people are throwing a smaller celebration (some call it a "baby sprinkle," which is appropriately adorable) that's more about friends and family spending time with the expectant mom than showering her with gifts. Another option is throwing the parents a sip and see after the baby is born where everyone can meet the little one.

Many people do agree that there are extenuating circumstances, such as a several-year gap between children, in which a second shower would be more acceptable. What do you think about a shower for baby number two?

Comments

I don't think that it is appropriate to have a shower for a second, third, fourth, etc baby. I just received an invite for a mom's 4th baby and I couldn't believe it. The purpose for having one for baby 1 is understandable. But by the time the next babies come, they should be settled and have more money for the things that they need.

I think it is perfectly acceptable to through a baby shower. A shower is a celebration. In the past, I have hosted showers for 2nd & 3rd babies - and its usually been a diaper and wipies party - nothing big. In addition, if the mommy is expecting a child of a different sex - then there is clothes and other items that will be needed. Like any party, you have the right to decline. :)

I think that every child should be celebrated! I was in that position not to long ago...
I had a 4 year old boy and was pregnant with my daughter. I had nothing left for a baby except for a crib - let alone stuff for a girl. My sister wanted to through me a shower and my husband's family was so insulted since I was having a 2nd baby shower! I don't understand what the big deal is!

omg, baby sprinkle! that's awesome! i wouldn't mind attending one of those and bringing a smaller "hostess gift", which would end up being a baby themed gift anyway. lol...

I'm not that big on showers. I don't like being the center of attention, and equipment was never a big deal; two of my four children slept for a time in a drawer and in a laundry basket.

I guess one shower per mom/dad is enough.

We just want more than one grandchild. If one comes along, we'll get all the equipment! (I may regret writing that)

I've just been invited to the shower for a 3rd baby in 4 years for my husband's niece. She couldn't afford the first baby, let alone this third one. I'll take diapers and wipes, but I'd really like to give her a certificate for a tubal ligation.

As a mom of three and grandma of three, I do think it's appropriate to have a shower. It isn't just gift giving, it's the celebration of a new child being welcomed. If there's a few years between the children, there's a good chance the mom has given away most things from the last baby. The clothes may be stained as well.

COME ON.....

Who doesn't love an excuse to party!

celebration....yes indead, shower....no, unless its a diff. sex or long time since 1st child.

I was invited to what I thought was an ideal compromise: Everyone was asked to bring a "meal for the freezer" instead of a gift. This way the second, no less deserving child was celebrated, we all got to gather, eat & drink and the soon to be exhausted parents had about 2 weeks worth of dinners ready to pop into the oven. Everyone wins! (personally, I ALWAYS bring a little gift for the big brother or sister.)

What is Emily Post smoking? It's okay to have a second shower as long as you don't invite anyone else from the first, other than close friends and family members?

I just don't see how that's possible unless you have relocated to another state in between babies.

Call me a curmudgeon, but I say showers should be a one-time-shot per family.

When/if we have a second child, I don't plan on registering for gifts, since I would have most everything I need already, but I would like to have a party and celebrate the fact I'm having a child.
My best friend is pregnant with her second and I offered to throw her a "sprinkle". She can always use diapers, wipes or new clothes, especially if the baby is a different sex. The guests can decide for themselves whether or not to bring a gift.

Just do what brings the mother and you more joy. If the mom-to-be could use some "SUPPORT" ie attention and lovin' on then go for it. Anyone invited has the freewill to decline (for what ever belief or reason they may have) or attend and choose to celebrate the birth of a child. Gifts can be creative if not monetary. A coupon to deliver dinner or care for newborn while mom naps. Just remember, that baby will grow up and look at the scrapbook pictures. Any second thoughts?

Heck, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, I don't want to go to the 1st!! I prefer living with my boyfriend and not reproducting. I've been to my friends Bridal Shower, Bachelorette Party, bought your ugly dress for your wedding, went to your first baby shower, and now you want ANOTHER gift?!?! One word...NO!!! Anyone want to buy me something for once?

Come on. It really isn't a celebration of a baby...it is a showering of baby gifts. No, I don't think it is appropriate for the second pregnancy. People who want to give a gift after the baby is born will do so.

I don't see the big deal...like someone stated earlier, if you disagree, don't go. If women can have bridal showers more than once, why can't babies get showered...I really did think it was about showering the NEW baby with gifts, not the family. And what about the first born if it is a second child? My kids are several years apart, from a second relationship and are different sexes. When my friends hosted a shower it wasn't for me at all, it was for my son and my new daughter. There were kids there for my son as well as my friends.
If your loved ones want to shower you or your baby, then let them...you can never be loved enough as far as I can tell. :)

wow, never even knew of this dilemma before....didn't know you could even consider a celebration of a new life to be optional. but do agree that it could be done after the baby was born so that the honored member could at least have the honor. (plus mom could raise a glass too, right? ) but also love the idea of the freezer meals so i think as long as it's all about L-O-V-E and not the shopping spree then it's all good.

As a mom who just gave birth to her 2nd daughter after a much needed space of 6 yrs, a shower was greatly appreciated. I had the great pleasure of stocking many of my friends & family with their daughters first items from my daughters collection so by the time the second one came rolling the four winds had scattered it all over the state. I was greatly appreciative of the wonderful gifts that I got at the second shower and everything was much needed. It wasn't about being able to afford my littlest but about knowing that she was just as welcomed as the first one. You shouldn't conclude that someone can or can not afford their baby, that is truely insulting. You should give from your heart or not at all. You'll still eat just as much at both showers won't you! LOL

I wondered why baby showers/sprinkles were only for the first child. I have always thought that each child should be celebrated. There's always a need for small items. I can't believe that anyone would make an issue about celebrating a child.

Would not the second baby shower depend on the person that is hosting the shower? What is tacky is the mother to be hosting her own shower that is usually done by family and or friends. Then there are also showers for men to date what one would consider a "celebration"!

Lisa Hall

Wow. Some of these comments are shocking and just rude. Of course, those of you who haven't had any children or had a second child yet just don't know much about it. I have two boys 14 months apart. So, I had still had everything from my first when the second came along. I agree that every child should be celebrated. The biggest blessing of all would be a diaper party! Diapers are always needed. I also hate that my second child might look at his scrapbook and baby book and wonder why he didn't have a party. Like several posters said, it is your choice to go or not.

Of course not! A shower is held to help the new mom with essentials for a new baby. How many high chairs, strollers, playpens, baby carriers, etc does one person need? The subsequent babies certainly do deserve to be celebrated and gifted...after the birth, with a gift and maybe a party. But not a whole big shower for each pregnancy!

This idea of showers for each child is something quite new. When I was having my babies in the 70's (and I understand before that) mothers were showered with gifts to celebrate becoming mothers, one time, and then each child was given a personal gift as the child was born. The idea of more than one shower is selfish and a waste of time and money for the
guests.

First of all, the parents are not throwing the shower. Their friends are. Assuming that no one is banging down doors asking anyone in earshot for a party, what's the harm?
I must admit that I was a bit concerned when my office decided to throw me a shower for my second child. I didn't want this argument to be happening about me. I didn't think I needed anything. However, I was also surprised at how glad I was to have a blanket made especially for my second, a few special toys for her, and the support of my friends. No one bought me a high chair, crib, or play yard. Why would they? I had them. But they did bring diapers, wipes, and special things just for Chloe. Those things meant the world to me.

It is totally tacky - to question whether a 2nd, 3rd, or ... child should be welcomed into the world.

It is not about the "gifts" - although they are great - it is about the "gift" of a new being. A shower is a celebration of this baby. Each child deserves recognition. And if Mom gets to be pampered a bit, all the better.

Keep in mind that some families are less financially stable if Mom is stay-at-home or Dad got laid off recently. A shower might be just the help such a family needs in tight times.

There is no requirement to attend a shower; there is no assigned level of giving. If you are strapped for funds, be creative - a mini-basket of binkies, a bouquet of socks, a coupon book to sit "junior", a soon-to-be classic children's book can all be had for $20 or so. And you might even get a kick out of how clever you are.

I don't think you need to have a 2nd baby shower per se, however I do think a bit of recognition for the second is entirely feasible. If the person really can't afford this child, but is having one anyhow, then I believe gifts should be given . Other than that I think a luncheon in her honor would be appropriate.