September 15, 2008

question of the week: yes, no, maybe?

qwestyuns. I haz dem.

When you've just sent an Evite invitation, there's nothing more annoying than opening it obsessively and seeing all the guests' names just sitting there in the "not yet replied" section. Oh wait, there is one thing more annoying: seeing all the names in the "not yet replied" section next to the date that person viewed the invitation ... but didn't reply.

I feel your pain, party hosts, but there are often good reasons why someone didn't reply right away. They might not be sure of their availability; they might be short on time; they might want to see if certain other invitees are (or are not) attending. To give fellow hosts some peace of mind, let us know when you reply.

Posted by Eva on September 15, 2008 in Etiquette , Q of the Week

Permalink | Comments (6)

6 responses to "question of the week: yes, no, maybe?"

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I've discovered after throwing many parties and other gatherings over the years that only 50% of the people invited show up anyway. This includes weddings and baby showers. Don't be hurt if only 50% of your invited guests show up; be grateful for the ones that did show and thank them with a smile when they enter your home. If it's a formal gathering, be sure to send a thank-you card. Formal includes wedding and baby events, rather than keggers and all-nighters. However, do be sure to thank all your guests for showing up. Who knows? They might bring two or three friends and increase the numbers!

i host many get togethers, mostly bingo nights. we play for prizes and cash..its a fun evening. we have tried to make it a once a month thing. but when it comes to some peopel hosting they rather not so i do it. i love having the girls over and we have a great time. the problem is. with this game you cant start until everyone arrives and if yoru guest decide just nto to show up it keep everyone waiting and i feel panic. I usally give them an hour figured people are drining eating talking relaxing. But i just find it very rude. call or even text if you wont be there, dont hold everyones night up.. am i being too mean?

To respond to Fran,

No you are not being too mean. I host poker games every 3 months and it's a tournament so I need people to come at a certain time. And it never fails that there is always one who holds up the game. Some don't mind socializing but there are others like myself who want to get the game started so the game ends at a decent hours (midnight or earlier is a good night). Past 2am is too late.

I have a real problem with this too. I started to use evite for a monthly card game tournament because we have had issues (1) with people not cancelling - just not showing up when certain numbers are needed to play, had to rope in our kids to make up one couple (not ideal); and (2) two months in a row someone not bothering to RSVP, so we find subs for her and her husband, only to find the night before she thinks she is coming - mad rush to find additional subs over night AND the hostess for the event needs to find another table/chairs for 4 and make that much more food. Tried to use evite to make things more transparent for RSVP and any cancellations (which should be by phone) - this person has viewed the invitation a number of times but no RSVP, no reason why she may be delaying her response either. Getting down to the wire to find subs and no response from her after multiple reminders to RSVP. Is this rude behaviour or am I expecting too much for people to RSVP in a timely manner and not at the last minute (or not at all)? Is it too much to ask people reply to direct emails reminding them to RSVP? What is proper ettiqute - must I wait to the last moment of the time allocated to RSVP before calling in subs?

For the most part, people don't respond for one simple reason: They're rude. They don't mean to be, but when Joe Schmoe offers to clean his home top to bottom, buy and cook a load of food, provide drinks, buy and set up any props/decorations/sports equipment, create a music play list, and then clean up after everyone else's mess so that their friends and family can have a free evening of entertainment, the least people can do is respond. End of story.

Now I'm not saying as soon as it arrives in their inbox, they have to respond immediately. Sometimes they're on vacation. Often they'll want to double check with their spouse to make sure the calendar is open, or discuss what type of side dish they want to bring. That's great; it's the responsible thing to do. But in reality this takes what, a couple days? Maybe a week?

I've resigned myself to the reality that not everyone is as considerate as we'd like. What can you do. Generally for any big party I throw, here's the trend with responses:

1. About 20% of your evite list will respond immediately. Both those who can and can't make it. These are your all-stars.

2. A few will respond throughout the week. More all-stars.

3. Everyone else slowly responds in the coming weeks, AFTER you send out a couple reminders. They already know they're coming. They probably already told you how excited they are for your party before you sent the Evite. But for some reason, they just prefer to be a late comer on the response.

4. One or two guests will not realize they needed to actually click the Evite link, despite several reminders. "Oh yes, we're coming!" They'll say.

5. A handful won't bother to respond at all. Depending on the relationship, these people usually get cut from my list for any future parties. It's not personal, it's just reality.

Does the NEW Evite page no longer show the Date Viewed? We don't see that on our Evite that we just sent out. And people have told us that they have viewed it.