Is "plus 1" a minus?

Like this design? Create an Evite invitation with this image.

Reader Sam asks, "I've been invited to a large Halloween party, 200+ on Evite list. It's being hosted by a few people. Is it rude to ask to bring another couple to the party? I don't know most of the people attending. The option is available on the Evite. What is the proper way to ask, or is it rude?"

A big Halloween party — how fun! For a party of that size, it's generally acceptable to bring guests. Unlike a small dinner party, the hosts are bound to have accounted for "plus 1"s as well as no-shows.

That said, you definitely want to let the hosts know you will be bringing additional people. When you reply to the Evite invitation, indicate the total number of people so the hosts have an accurate headcount. To cover all of your politeness bases, email one of the hosts to make sure it's okay. All you need to do is say you're looking forward to the party and wondering if you could bring along two cool people.

And yes, I recommend emailing over calling. If this person is knee-deep in planning a huge Halloween party, they'll be grateful to be spared another phone call. And on the slight chance that they don't want you to bring anyone, you're not putting them on the spot. Emailing gives them time to think of a polite way of telling you that they'd rather you fly solo that night.

Hey, everybody, what would you do in Sam's situation? And if you were hosting a big 'do like this, would you think it was rude if people wanted to bring additional guests? And how would you want them to ask you?

Comments

Polite etiquette says to always ask the host before inviting any additional guests. You wouldn't want to end up disappointing the host or the person you plan to invite. If it's a large party, chances are that the host wants to have a large turnout. Rven if it's a medium-sized party, they may be happy to accommodate a new face, as it's always nice to meet new people and if it's your significant other, perhaps they just didn't have that person's contact info. However, always be polite when asking. Give a little extra when it comes to giving the host a gift, if they have allowed you to bring a guest. Make sure to follow up with a thank you note regardless of whether you were allowed to invite a guest or not. Grumpies won't be invited back to parties.

I agree with Stephanie. Yay for thank you notes! If they sent you an Evite, your could send them an Evite Ecard. Although hand-written notes are always lovely. Circumstances permitting, I always prefer to bring wine as a host gift, so maybe bring 2 or bottles or a magnum if you are also bring other people. Then the host can put it out, or squirrel it away for later.

i definitely agree that it's best to ask before you assume that you can invite others. +1's are usually expected, but more than that would be rude. sometimes the invite gives detailed information in reference to whether the party is limited to just you, you +1 or the flexibility to invite a few people. e-mailing the person is a must... i again agree that you don't want to put them on the spot if they have to say no.

As someone who throws a big Halloween party every year, I definitely think you need to give your host a heads up before inviting anyone else. At the end of the day I know I'm always happy to meet new people, but I want to know they're coming ahead of time so I feel in control of the situation. After all, just imagine if even half or a third of the 200+ people decided to bring extra guests without telling the host first . . . yikes!!

My other advice is be sure to introduce your guests to the host promptly upon arrival if they don't already know each other. I always feel a little strange when I look around my own party and wonder who someone is and where they came from.

I have a big Halloween party every year. I love hosting a costume party but it irks me when people don't let me know they've invited other people. When you open your home you expect people to respect your hospitality.

When somebody puts a plus 1 or plus 5 on their e-vite I know what to expect, and when they call me to ask me if that's okay, even better.

I love a spooky Halloween, but not one that's spooky because people in costume that I don't recognize are running around my house.

I actually hired somebody to work the door with a guest list this year, lest a group of high school students wander in off the street.

Happy Halloween!

I would let the host know... being polite, it is always best to ask, but if the host is like me, the more the merrier. I know that people who are shy sometimes feel far more comfortable when they can bring someone they know. When we have parties, I say, in the reply box..."please feel free to bring a friend or friends". When we have an early party, I say "this is the one party we encourage you to bring your children" This sends 2 messages. It lets them know the kids are welcomed to our early soup parties, and not welcomed at our later evening parties. We have really great parties!... I think it is because of the wonderful people who attend! (and probably because of the ease of Evite too!)

I have a huge Halloween Party every year also and tell people ahead of time to invite their friends. It never fails every year people say directly to me..."wow...this is an awesome party...whose house is this?"...Ok...so it's alright to invite your friends, but as a guest it is also really nice to introduce your friends to the host, so they don't look like a fool talking to the hostess!
Another thing is when I make my invitations I always specifically say whether guests are welcome "bring a friend", "adults only", "family friendly", "dress your best", "casual", "intimate dinner", so that guests know exactly what to expect from the party.

When I am using eVite and I leave the option open for my guests to invite others, I don't expect them to contact me prior to doing so. However, when I did this recentlty, I was curious to know the other invited guests' names prior to the event. Lesson: Be specific in your eVite invitation and leave only options that you will be comfortable with later.

Although it seems innocent, asking the hosts to include two complete strangers is quite an imposition. A better way is to decline the invite saying "We'd love to come, however we'd already promised the Jones' that we'd do something fun together that night"; which gives the hosts the option of saying "Oh, just bring the Jones' along" or to decline graciously with "We understand. Hope to see you two next year!"

I wish e-vite would let us determine whether to let guests invite more people or not.
Sometimes I'm happy to have the party be huge, but other times if I'm holding it in a small space or I'm on a tight budget I really am surprised at the number of my friends who bring along co-workers or just random people they barely know.
I don't want to admonish my friends for doing that, but it happens all the time and it's made me not want to have small parties via evite.

Hi "Been Burned Before,"

Actually, Evite DOES let you determine whether to let guests invite more people.

You have three options: (1) preventing guests from inviting more people, (2) limiting the number of people that guests can bring, or (3) setting a maximum number of guests who can attend.

Here's how: On step 3 of creating your invitation (when you're entering in guests' email addresses), click "Guest List Options" at the top of the page. From there you can set your guest list limits.

Hope that helps!