August 27, 2007

Q: Should I buy a gift off the registry?

White Gift

My friend is getting married. Should I buy something off the registry? How do I make it more personal? — Christina

Whether you buy a gift off the registry is completely up to you, but it's always appreciated by the about-to-weds. Just ask my parents, who still grumble about the 30 salad bowls they got for their wedding, back before registries were the norm. They spent their newlywed days doing a lot of exchanging and trying not to hurt gift givers' feelings.

If you're concerned that a registry gift may seem impersonal, or you don't want the couple to know exactly what you spent, add a related gift. For example, if you're buying a coffeemaker, also get gourmet coffees. Buying drink glasses? Toss in coasters. Going for cookware or BBQ tools? Throw in a cookbook.

Posted by Eva on August 27, 2007 in Etiquette , Weddings

Permalink | Comments (17)

17 responses to "Q: Should I buy a gift off the registry?"

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Great idea - adding a personal touch to the registered gift!

I'm going to a wedding in October and struggle between something I think they would love vs. what I know they will love (an item on their registry).

Now I know I can get the double old fashion glasses they asked for at Crate and Barrel AND add a nice single malt scotch to the gift.

I love this idea! I do want to stress, though: BUY OFF THE REGISTRY! It's so frustrating to spend hours and hours picking out exactly what you want-- and many times, NEED-- only to get random gifts you can't use OR return. I ALWAYS buy off the registry-- and now I will add a little personal touch to these gifts! I wonder what I could've gotten for the people for whom I bought their electric can opener off the registry? Some kidney beans? ;-)

Beth: good point on the registry thing. One of my friends just got engaged, so I'm going to have to get her a gift soon. Never thought about it that way about the registry being things that they actually need.

You've got to be pretty sure about the gift to go off the registry--returning gifts or stressing about where to put all the damn stuff is not how you want to start married life. I like the idea of complementing a registry gift with a personal touch.

I think buying off the registery is a great idea! I makes things a whole lot less stressing and easy to find. I love it.

Here's a different idea. What about having a mortgage broker, like myself perhaps open a down payment escrow account for the couple about to get married and offer an option of cash donated towards the down payment on a home? We can work with the couple in advance to prepare their credit and even offer repair help to them should they need it. Then by the time they say "I Do" they may have an education regarding their credit history, any repair completed by the wedding date that may be needed if any and a downpayment on a home offered by all those who care for the couple about to get married. What an excellent opportunity to start off with what every couple dreams about!
Lori Krueger
The Mortgage Company

Secure Online Gift Registry for the Down Payment of a Home. Guests can give a gift directly through Pay Pal. Bride and Groom receive an email each time a gift is given - gift funds are transferred to the couples own bank account. Check it out!

Down Payment Gift Registry is from New Spouse New House -

I like to choose something off the registration but add my personal touches as well.

Sorry, but "helping" to buy a house for a newlywed couple is jut plain tacky. Registry gifts -- with a personalized card or the companion gift (love that idea) is far more appropriate. Any why the shameless plug for your business? It's no wonder I don't go to too many weddings these days, and have become a master at declining invites where couples only want my money, not my participation.

I (we) have a major SECOND wedding to go to this fall, for my step-son. The bride picked out all the stuff last time, and we bought off the registry, like good in-laws. Now the same step-son is getting married AGAIN. That's good, but we are so much poorer than we were then and he is so much richer. They are buying a house and I'd like to give them flower bulbs. At least if the marriage ends or they move or whatever, the bulbs will keep growing and being happy for someone. Am I nuts?

Carrie, you're only nuts for betting on the failure of this second marriage. However that said, I think flower bulbs would be an original gift for new home buyers. Maybe researching what each flower represents can build them a flower garden of good luck in their new marriage.

I think its hilarious that lyles thinks that couples actually care about getting a stupid $100 gift from her when they are spending more than that just on her plate. If you are invited to a wedding, it is because the coulple wants to celebrate with you, not because they want your money...get over yourself.

I have a unique wedding registry that will be sure to please anyone's budget. Why buy a toaster or salad tongs. For a few dollars you can pay for the bride and groom's honeymoon and I am sure they will remember it a lot more than tongs!

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If you think that its really important for you to get a gift then do it rather than regret later.